I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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