I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
