Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
