Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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