The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
