Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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