this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's blow job season.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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