On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
