Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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