Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
