Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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