I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
