i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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