Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
