He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
