they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
