im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
