wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
