so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
