Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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