In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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