also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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