Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
