FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
