Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
