Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
