So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
