like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
