Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
