I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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