Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
