he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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