it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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