The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
