I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just invented taco cereal.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
