i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
