Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
