Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
