Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
