after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
