How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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