I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
