Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
