nut hugger
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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