i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
