I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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