plz talk dirty to me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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