I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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