White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
