I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
