apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
