yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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