I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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