Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
