I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
